| In the Beginning |
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Another Good Day... Gone Bad!!! by Ron Shinnick |
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It all began quite innocently one spring afternoon in “Beautiful Historic Downtown Cohutta.” My llama and I were cruising down Wolfe Street, one of the main streets in Cohutta (Alright, the only main street in Cohutta), enjoying the sights and sounds of the afore mentioned Cohutta. I guess at this point Four Winds, the llama powering this vehicle, and I decided to pick up the pace a little bit. Well, that was what I had in mind anyway, but suddenly Four Winds found a new gear that I didn’t know he had, and without warning and any provocation on my part, my trusty llama driving steed decided to bolt down the main street of our fair town at an excessive rate of speed. Not out of control mind you. It was at about this same time while I was enjoying the thrill of the ride and the wind blowing in my face that I noticed one very small speed limit sign. At least that’s how it looked as we zoomed past it! No problem I thought the coast is clear ! But reflecting back on this experience, maybe just maybe, the problem was really in the name of this beast. I was told sometimes llamas turn into what you name them. Four Winds!!! But I didn’t name this one. How could it be my fault? But be that as it may, little did I know that I indeed had a problem, a big one and that problem was just ahead.
In the mist of our zeal, unknown to
me, parked just down the street watching this moving violation was the local
police officer, Officer Andy (no warnings given here)Lopez. The next thing I
knew the blue lights were flashing and the police siren was whaling. Of
course we pulled to the side of the road. I knew I couldn’t out run him.
Just not enough horsepower or llama power in this case under the hood to
take him. Of course I had no idea what to expect. I mean who has ever had
their llama powered vehicle pulled over anyway! I waited patiently for
Officer Lopez to approach the vehicle while I kept both hands on the driving
lines. |
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Officer Lopez wasn’t buying one word of it either. He explained to me, “It wasn’t his first rodeo, I mean traffic stop.” At that point I didn’t care if it was Officer Lopez’s first rodeo or not. I was just hoping it wasn’t my last. It was then I realized that I was the one in big trouble here and not my big eyed, big eared, four-legged friend, the real culprit in this caper. I was a double-crossed, I was framed, bush-wacked by a llama and there was no time to call for legal representation either. There I was in “Downtown Cohutta” standing on one leg, hopping around, walking a straight line, touching my finger to my nose looking crossed-eyed, etc... Looking like a fool performing a field sobriety test. Not on the llama mind you, but me of all people. I tried to explain again it wasn’t me. That I was being done in by my once trusty llama driving steed. I tried to explain (without success) that this llama sometimes just has a mind of his own or some extra giddy-up I didn’t know anything about. It was then that Officer Andy (you’re in big trouble now) Lopez asked me if I had someone that could drive that contraption home for me without breaking any more laws or town ordinances. I told him my wife was out shopping and she didn’t know how to drive that thing anyway. Besides I knew she probably didn’t have her cell phone turned on. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. At this point I admit I was desperate. I quickly tried to explain that I had been only taking some sleeping pills and maybe a pain pill or two, every now and then. Of course, all prescribed by my trusty, long time family Doctor, Dr. Kildog M.D., D.D.S., D.V.M. etc.... A trusted and well known all purpose local Doctor. Well, all things considered and there was a lot to consider, it could have been much worse for me that day. I’m sure if there was such a thing as some Llama drivers license I would’ve lost mine that day by Officer Andy (you’re busted, not your llama) Lopez. Maybe the Judge would’ve just let me drive around the corner and back every other Saturday? And for the record my wife did answer her cell phone and she did come home and drive Four Winds back to the barn. Of course, I had to walk home. I’m sure Four Winds and the rest of his llama buddies back at the barn had a good laugh about this, at my expense of course. And also for the record, community service isn’t all that bad either! As always, just trying to keep my llamas and myself between the ditches. Hope you can do the same....... |
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